Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

I had run out of hope.

I was tired of trying and failing.

How can a native English speaker say "it was nice talking to you" in French without using that exact phrase?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

The sadness was still there.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

What was the most challenging shift you experienced as an ER physician? Can you describe the details and reasons behind it?

It’s still here.

It’s here now, writing to you.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Why do foolish atheists think their strange delusional theories are facts?

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

I was tired of fighting.

At what point does trespassing become self defense? What are the necessary conditions for this line to be crossed from trespassing to self defense?

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

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Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Be who you already are.

Why is going on a date today so much different than it was when I was young?

You are like me, then.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Have you ever followed through being bi-curious?

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

You hold the door open for a lady and she stops in her tracks and screams at you, ‘Don’t hold the door for me! I’ll get it myself!’ What are your feelings or immediate reaction?

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

And the sadness?

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

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This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.